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Chapter Ten: Dear Diary, Forgotten Memories
Okay so that night I didn’t quite go to bed, we had stayed out pretty late and it was about one in the morning when we got back. I slowly slunk up the stairs to my room and flopped down on the bed and drifted off to la la land. I slept actually pretty well.
I woke up from a loud noise and walked downstairs to the kitchen. “Okay, who is doing the elephant imitation?” I asked, pushing open the door and sitting down at the table.
“That was Sora dropping a pot.” Roxas said, who was sitting across from me.
“Well, with practice you should be really good at it.” I smiled at him; he grinned sheepishly and carefully put the pot away.
“So, how did you sleep?” Sora asked grabbing the milk from the fridge and sitting down beside Roxas.
“Like a rock... if rocks sleep.” I said and rested my head on my arms.
“Well, someone had a late night now didn’t they?” Axel asked, coming into the kitchen and sitting down beside me.
“Well, you know...”
They all looked at me blankly, “Know what?” Sora asked pouring a large bowl of sugary coated cereal.
“Know... well, know.” I said and stood up and walked over to the cupboard. Grabbing a bowl and spoon I came back and sat down next to Axel.
“You’re actually going to eat something?” Roxas asked with a gasp.
“Yeah, it’s generally called breakfast. Call it what you will on your planet.” I said with a small grin and grabbed the cereal and poured some into the bowl.
“Hey! But what’s with the big change in eating habits?” he asked sliding the milk across.
I grabbed it and slowly poured it on the cereal, “Nothing, just that I’m hungry.”
Axel nodded and looked at Sora and Roxas, “Back home she only ate when she was thinking about something, or something was bothering her.” he said and also grabbed a bowl and spoon.
“And when I was hungry.” I said back in a ‘duh’ way and took a bite of cereal.
“Yeah, well, that was never in the mornings.” Axel said grabbing the cereal and pouring a bowl.
“What’s bugging you?” Sora asked taking a mouthful of food.
“Just that, well, I don’t for one have a date for the dance and I was kinda hoping that Ri...” I mumbled out the rest as I stuck another spoonful of cereal in my mouth.
“That what?” Roxas asked with a grin.
“That nothing, just...nothing.” I felt my cheeks turn a slight pink as I continued to eat my cereal. They all laughed at me, watching me eat my cereal.
“Good morning all.” Yuffie said as she came into the kitchen. “Someone’s happy this morning, aren’t they?” I asked grabbing the bowl and tipping it and sipping the last of the milk.
“Well, yes I am. I’m usually happy in the mornings.” she said and walked to the fridge.
“She is, it’s quite annoying.” Roxas said with a smirk.
I giggled and wiped my mouth on my shirt sleeve and brought my bowl over to the sink and let the water run down on it. I stared out the window above the kitchen sink for a bit; zoning and letting random thoughts run through my head. “Leckie?!” a voice called. I whirled and round and nearly collided with Yuffie.
“Hey, careful there. Thought we’d lost you to that other world you go to all the time.” she said as she reached past me and turned off the tap.
“Oh sorry, I was just zoning.” I said and walked to the living room. I flopped down on the couch and began surfing the channels.
“What’s on?" someone asked from above my head.
I looked up and smiled at Cloud, “Not a freakin’ clue.” I said and began going through the channels again and again.
“Well, let me see.” he said and gently grabbed the remote from me. I didn’t protest, Cloud usually had good taste in movies, and propped and pillow against the arm rest and stared out the large window on the far side of the living room. It was Tuesday, I think, and I didn’t want to go back to school yet. I wanted this to be my day. Memories of last night and the years before raced through my head all at once. I had never fully recovered from what had happened to me and my brother, and I’m not sure if I ever will.
Standing up I walked up the stairs to my room and closed the door softly behind me. I walked noiselessly over to my desk, grabbing a key that dangled from a nail on the wall and slid it into the lock on the first drawer. The lock clicked and I set the key on the desk top and opened the door slowly. Inside was a black book, it lay there taunting. Inside it’s many pages were many secrets, secrets that maybe never should have been known. I grabbed the book and blew the dust off of its sleek black cover. I walked over to my bed and sat down and opened the book.
Entry # 1
My parents are fighting again, and this time Demyx isn’t here to help. I didn’t know what to do so I ran to his room and locked the door. I’m scared. Last night dad was really mad but I didn’t do anything wrong. He yelled at me. I got mad and scared and I ran. I didn’t know where to go so I ran down the block, just to get away. I got even more scared because it was dark outside and I didn’t know what to do. I soon came to the street Demyx’s friend’s house was on; I knew he’d be there.
I ran up to the front door and started to knock hard. A lady opened the door and she stared down at me. She didn’t say anything to me; she looked over her shoulder and called for Demyx. He came to the door and I hugged him tightly around his waist and cried. He didn’t say anything and took me inside. I spent the night there with him and Axel. When we got home dad was really mad and he and Demyx got into a big fight. Today isn’t any better, but this time I don’t have anywhere to run. I’m scared and I don’t have anyone to help me this time.
I was only ten that day, the day I wanted to die. I had thought multiple times of suicide, regardless of the fact that I was only ten. Most of my entries were the same; I was scared and needed someone to help me. Except for the last one it was a different.
Entry # 27
I’m not going to cry, I have spent too long crying over what can’t be changed. I’m sick of being week and defenseless, I no longer need help. I’m fine and I can do this on my own. I don’t need help. I don’t need help. I don’t need help.
I had repeated those words over and over again, trying to convince myself that I was fine but I wasn’t. I never had been and I knew it, but I never wanted to admit it. I sat for a while on my bed and cried silently.
There was a soft knock on the door and Axel walked in. “Hey, what are you doing up...here.” he stopped and looked at me.
I stopped reading long enough to look up at him, “Nothing, just reading some stuff.” I said, quickly wiping away the tears that had stained my face as I scooted over on my bed to make room for him.
He came and sat beside me, leaning against the head board. “Mind?” he asked as he gingerly took the book and read the first entry. “I remember that day. You were standing on my front porch; tear stained face, your socks didn’t match.” He smiled a little then stopped as he remembered more. “Demyx told me what was happening that night, what was really going on at your house. I felt helpless, knowing that I couldn’t help him or you.”
He closed the book and stood up, “Come on, Yuffie said we’re going out somewhere, and for you to get ready. And, no, you don’t have to wear a skirt.” he smiled broadly. I giggled and slid off the bed and led the way down the stairs.
He picked me up when he got to the bottom and hauled me into the living room and dropped me on the couch. “Hey, so not fair.” I said, trying to sit up but ending up rolling onto the floor.
“Wow, graceful.” Sora said with a smile.
“Yeah, well... I’ll come up with something smart to say later.” I said and got up and walked into the kitchen. “So, what’s this I hear about going somewhere?” I asked and leaned against Yuffie’s shoulder.
“We are going to the skate park and batting cages.” she said and moved which made me fall, yet again, onto the floor.
“Okay, so what’s with this weird obsession the floor seems to have with me today?” I asked standing up; everyone stifled laughs as Yuffie handed me a glass of orange juice.
“I think you could use a break from being a girl, couldn’t you?” she asked in a weird cooing baby voice and ruffled up my hair. I rolled my eyes and chugged down my orange juice.
“Well, you were thirsty.” Roxas said.
“Yeah, but that was cold!” I said, placing the glass on the counter and grabbing my head, “Holy crap, was that in the freezer?” I asked, cringing.
“No, just the fridge.” Yuffie said with a laugh. “Now go get ready.” she said and shooed me out of the kitchen. I nodded and raced up the stairs to my bedroom.
I took my time getting ready, just to annoy Yuffie. I was still tired and I wasn’t sure how to dress. I finally decided on a pair of ripped baggy jeans and a long t-shirt. I pulled my hair into two low pig-tails and put on a black wool toque with a small cap on the front. I studied my reflection a few more seconds, then ran down the stairs when I heard Yuffie call. I went down the stairs too fast and tripped and fell on my side and slid into the door.
“Wow, you are really clumsy today.” Sora laughed from the living room.
I smiled and got to my feet, walked into the living room and plunked down on the couch. “Seriously, you look like a guy! What do you have against looking girly?” Namie asked, walking into the room.
“Oh hey, when did you get here?” I asked, looking at her from under the brim of my hat.
“About ten minutes ago, back to the question.” she said sitting down beside me.
“I don’t have anything against being girly, it’s just that it’s hard to skateboard and bat in a skirt.” I said and snatched the remote from Sora. He tried to get it back but I moved it out of reach and stuck my tongue out at him. He reluctantly sat back down, smiling.
I slowly surfed through multiple channels, passing boring show after boring show. I soon got bored and placed the remote on the coffee table, leaving the TV on the listings channel. “Well, that was fast.” Namie said with a smirk, “You really are kinda boring today, you know.” she said and leaned against my shoulder.
“Yeah well, some of us can’t help it.” I said with a distant sound in my voice. I looked out the large window on the far side of the living room and watched as a single car drove past the house.
“We ready to go?” Yuffie asked walking to the door. Everyone stood up and followed her. I was the last and walked over and grabbed Yuffie’s old black sweater off the hook. Then I grabbed my skateboard and followed everyone out.
“Hey, where are mom and dad?” I asked as I closed the door firmly behind me.
“Dad left early for work and mom’s out doing her own thing.” Yuffie said as she climbed into the front seat of Roxas’ car.
“Oh, cool.” I said. I placed my skateboard in the trunk of the car and slid into the seat beside Axel, who was sitting between Sora and I. Namie sat up front between Roxas, who was driving, and Yuffie. Everyone was talking so I didn’t bother to turn on the radio; I just stared out the window.
“Well, aren’t you the quiet one.” Axel said elbowing me softly in the arm.
“Huh? Oh yeah, well guess there’s not a lot to talk about.” I said giving him a smile. He nodded understandingly and put his arm around my shoulders.
“So, shall we go to the batting cages or the skate park?” Roxas asked, looking at us in the rear view mirror.
“Skate park!” I said happily, “I’ve been wanting to skate around for a while.”
He smiled and turned the radio on quietly, “Then the skate park it is. We’re meeting Demyx and some of the others there, too.” he said and turned his gaze back to the road.
It wasn’t that far to the park and we were soon there. I was the first one out. I grabbed my board from the back and jogged over to the edge of the park. “Come on, slow people!” I called and waited for the rest of them to catch up.
Only Roxas and Sora had brought their boards, so Namie, Yuffie and Axel sat and watched. Sora and I dove straight in and began doing jumps and flips. Roxas was a bit slower and finally came in. We did a whole bunch of tricks and Roxas taught me a few new ones. I tried a grind but wiped out. I slowly rolled over and sat and examined my board; no damage had been done.
“You okay?” Yuffie asked as she slid down the side of the bowl and came over.
“Yeah, it’s all cool.” I said and got to my feet.
“Well, I think you should take a break. Give those bloody knees of yours a break.” she said and pointed to my legs. Blood was slowly trickling down both of them.
“Yeah, I think you're right.” I said. I followed her to the edge and ran up the side and climbed out. I rolled my board over to Axel who eagerly took it and rolled down into the bowl.
“So, how was skateboarding?” Namie asked in a hyper voice.
“It was fine, you guys should try it sometime.” I said and sat down beside her as I started wiping the blood off my knees.
“I would but my board’s broken and I don’t have enough money to buy a new one.” Yuffie said with a small pout.
“And I’m more into scootering.” Namie said, handing me some tissue.
“Thanks,” I took it and placed it on my knee.
“Well, that was fun. How are you doing?” Roxas asked sitting down on the bench. But there wasn’t enough room so everyone decided to scoot over, which in turn ended with me on the ground again.
“Gee, thanks guys. I can tell you love me.” I said with a grin.
“No, we love you, we just love Roxas more.” Namie said with a sly grin. I gave her a duh grin and slid over and leaned against her legs. “Comfy?” she asked, wiggling her legs back and forth.
“Oh, wait, do that some more; it feels good on my back."
“Come on.” she said and nudged me forwards; I giggled and stood up.
It was pretty nice outside. I examined everything while I walked around the edge of the skate park. The trees were starting to turn a bit golden and a few floated away in the warm fall breeze. I stopped and looked around, sliding my hand into my pocket and pulling out my mp3 player. I started it on a random song and just stood there looking at it and bobbing my head to the beat.
I was starting to zone out again when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I whirled around and nearly collided with someone. “Wow, hey sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I stared up at the blond boy standing in front of me. “Hey, Seifer. How are you?” I asked, pulling an ear bud out of my ear.
“I’m pretty good, yourself?” he asked still staring at me.
“I’m okay. Been better but I’m hanging in.” I said with a deep sigh and looked back at my mp3 player.
“Anything you want to talk about?” he asked, giving me one of his radiant smiles, one that would make many girls melt.
I grinned and shook my head, “Sorry, but I think this is something I have to do with my brother.” I said and turned to look back over at the bench across the skate park. My shoulders sagged and I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach as I saw Riku look away quickly and Roxas glare at me.
I turned back to Seifer. “Hey, sorry to run but...” I turned and looked back at the bench, Roxas turned his back to me and started talking to Sora.
Seifer followed my gaze and nodded. “Sure, no problem.” he said sadly.
“Oh, no, it’s not what you think...” I said but he stopped me.
“No, it’s okay. You should go, they’re waiting for you. I’ll be okay, I promise.” he said with a half hearted smile as he turned and walked away.
I sighed and blew some hair out of my face. “Out of the frying pan and into the fire.” I said as I swung around on my heels and slowly walked over to join the others. “Hey, so are we done here?” I asked, stuffing my mp3 player into my pocket and looking around. “Hey Riku, when did you get here?” I asked with a smile, trying to lighten the cloudy mood that had settled in.
“Few minutes ago,” he replied and turned back to Roxas, who gave me a look. I felt a pang of hurt as I looked down at the ground.
“Shall we go?” Yuffie asked ending the silence.
“Yeah, let’s go.” Sora said and gave me a sympathetic smile. I smiled back and walked behind everyone back to the cars.
I was the last to the car and when I got there, every seat had been taken. “Sorry Leckie, guess you’ll have to walk.” Yuffie said from inside. “It’s not that far to the batting cages. We’ll meet you there, okay?” she asked giving me a faint smile. I looked at the full seats in the back of the car and nodded.
“I’ll walk with her.” Roxas said, getting out and leaving his keys in the ignition.
“It’s okay, I’m fine with walking alone.” I said, but he insisted.
“See ya’ll in a bit.” Yuffie said as she slid over and started the car.
Roxas and I watched as they zoomed away. He didn’t say anything; he just glared and started down the sidewalk. I groaned and followed him. “So, what was that all about?” he asked, not looking at me.
“What was what about?” I asked him, but I knew full well what he meant.
“I’m talking about in the park with Seifer.” he said a bit coldly.
“What? I mean it’s not like I kissed him or something. He just showed up and we talked for a bit.” I said looking at the sidewalk.
“Well, great. Aren’t we all just the greatest of friends!” he snapped. I jumped a little at his sudden outburst. “Leckie, why can’t...argh! Look, just forget that I even brought this up, okay?” he asked, looking at me for the first time since we had started walking.
I gave him a puzzled lost expression. “What is going on?” I asked, looking into his sapphire eyes. His expression started to soften a little but it hardened again as he looked away.
“It’s nothing, just forget I ever brought it up.” He jammed his fists into his pockets.
“No, I’m not going to forget this. What is going on? Why is it that I’m getting in trouble for talking to a friend?!” I asked, angrily stopping and staring at him.
“Look you, it’s just... Riku...” he stuttered and looked at me blankly.
“Roxas, I hate having you mad at me! Why is it everyone is treating me like I did something horribly wrong?” I asked pleadingly, feeling completely helpless.
“It’s just that... Riku likes you... a lot; and he was hurt when he saw you talking with Seifer.” he said, his usually dancing eyes were now sad and full of remorse.
I gasped and looked down at the sidewalk, “So that’s why everyone is treating my weirdly?” I asked, pulling my mp3 player out of my pocket. He nodded and didn’t say anything. I felt my eyes tear up, I quickly wiped them away and put my head phones in. I turned up the volume and walked slowly past Roxas and towards the batting cages.
I sat alone on the bench just outside the cage Yuffie was in. I still had my music playing and I watched her play as the music blasted. “LECKIE!” I heard someone yell and shake my shoulder.
“What?!” I asked alarmed and a little frustrated.
“Seriously, turn that down so you can hear people. Do you want some fries or something from the concession stand?” Sora asked pointing over his shoulder.
I shook my head, “No, I’m not hungry.” I said and slouched back against the bench.
“Are you okay?” he asked, sitting beside me.
“No.” I said, hearing the faint sob in my voice. “Everyone’s treating me like I tried to hurt Riku, like it was my master plan. All I did was say 'hi' to Seifer, I mean he came over and talked to me.” I said as I turned the volume down on my music. “As if this is just what I need to top everything up.” I said with and exasperated sigh.
He squeezed my hand and looked at me. “Hey, no one’s trying to make you feel like crap. They’re all just...” he trailed off and looked ahead of him. I followed his gaze and saw Riku approaching.
“Hey,” he said with fake enthusiasm. “Wanna go for a walk?” he asked and stood there waiting for an answer. I shrugged and followed him out of the batting cages and down the sidewalk.
“So, how are you?” he asked looking at me; I rolled my eyes and gave him a weren’t-you-here-earlier look. He gave a smile and nodded, “Not good?” he asked shoving his hands into his pockets.
“Yeah, not good.” I said and stared down at the sidewalk.
“So, what were you and Seifer talking about? Are you two going out?” he got right to the point.
I glared at him, “So you didn’t ask me to go for a walk to talk to me? All you wanted to do was drill me about what me and my other friends talk about?” I asked and looked at him.
“No, that’s...” he couldn’t find the right words.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I said angrily and continued down the sidewalk.
“Where are you going?” he called after me.
“I’m going back to school!” I yelled back and started my mp3 player again and blasted it louder than before.
The school was buzzing with students who were still in class. I ignored their stares and walked to my dorm room. I changed into my uniform, grabbed my bag and went to what class I was supposed to have. I walked into the math room and everyone stopped and stared at me, “Leckie, I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow. Your mom called and said...”
I cut him short. “Plans changed.” I said and walked over to the back of the room. I sat down next to Fuu. She didn’t say anything; she just went on doing her work. The teacher gave me the notes and homework from the class and then went back to his desk.
I worked quietly on my math until the bell rang. Then I gathered up my stuff and walked down the hall alone. Everyone in my circle of friends was out at the batting cages, so I was on my own today. I walked to my locker to check my schedule.
“Hey, how come you’re here?” asked a familiar voice. I turned and looked at Seifer who was grabbing a text book from his locker.
“Things weren’t going well so I came back.” I said and read over my class. “Ugh, I have history. I don’t need another lecture today.” I said and pulled my text book out and slammed my locker shut.
“I’ve got history, too. I’ll walk with you.” he said and grabbed my bag before I could say anything. I shrugged and walked beside him.
“Leckie, why are you here?” the teacher asked from the front of the class.
“Things changed.” I said and followed Seifer to the back of the room. I sat down in the nearest available seat and grabbed my bag from Seifer; pulling out my binder I grabbed a pen and began scribbling down what was on the board.
“So, why are you here?” Seifer whispered as he quickly wrote down the notes on the board.
I looked up from my page, “Remember at the park? When I suddenly had to ditch?” I asked him, feeling the knot starting to form in my stomach again. He nodded and continued to look at me. I sighed and looked back at my page. “Well, now everyone’s mad at me for no good reason. They all think that I like you or I’m going out with you or something.”
He suddenly looked sad and I regretted telling him anything at all. “No, Seifer, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that... all my friends are mad at me, even Roxas and I hate being alone.” I said and began doodling on my page.
He gave me a warm smile, “You can hang out with me and my friends today, if you want?” he said, watching me out of the corner of his eye.
I looked up at him and grinned, “That would be great.” I said. I turned back to the board because the teacher had started talking.
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